Pain
by ferae naturae
Summary: This is not a nice fic. This is not a pretty fic. There is no romance or happily ever after in this fic. If you're into pink and cute little bunny rabbits, this probably isn't for you. *COMPLETE!* FEEDBACK?
1. Chapter 1

Pain

By Katianna

Warnings for rape, violence and language.

Author's Note: This is not a nice fic. This is not a pretty fic. There is no romance or happily ever after in this fic. If you're into pink and cute little bunny rabbits, this probably isn't for you. This is an author's stress relief. The more you complain or flame, the more likely it is that I will be posting more of this type of fic. It's a vicious circle. This said, here's the fic...

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A Fragile Mind And A Gentle Spirit

~Natalie Imbruglia

Jesse looked up as he saw Brennan check his watch once more.

"How late are they now?" He asked quietly.

"Almost three hours. Adam's going to be so mad when they get back." Brennan chuckled. Jesse scrubbed his eyes and got up from the computer to stretch his legs.

"I don't know. I have a bad feeling about this."

"You think we should check their comm-links again?"

"I've been keeping tabs on it, they're still inactive. It's not like them to..." There was a small beep from the console. He moved to lean over the chair and type in a set of commands. "The car's just got back in, they're back." The guys headed down the stairs to meet the girls at the garage door.

When Shalimar and Emma appeared in the doorway both men took a breath and stepped back. Emma was curled in Shalimar's arms, a blanket wrapped securely around her. Shalimar's face was pale and a large bruise was spreading across her cheek. This wasn't what caught their attention, though. What caught their attentions was the amount of blood. Shalimar was just about covered in it and it was drying on her hands. Dirty marks showed where she had held the blanket that covered Emma. Emma herself was hidden from view, leaving them guessing at where the blood had all come from.

"Shalimar...?" Brennan was the first to recover from his shock and step forward to offer his assistance.

"Back off." The words were growled at him, a feral noise echoing behind them, leaving no doubt. She seemed to hesitate there, in the doorway, before turning to leave with Emma still in her arms, leaving the two men to stare after them, shocked, worried and confused. Brennan made to follow her, but Jesse caught his arm.

"Shal tells you to back off like that, you do it Brennan. No questions asked. If Emma's hurt she'll take her to Adam."

"What if she doesn't take her to Adam?"

"We assume one of two things. We can assume that the blood isn't theirs and that Shalimar had to get extreme to keep them safe, perhaps Emma is knocked out or unconscious."

"What's the other thing?" Brennan asked when Jesse paused.

"That it's too late for Adam to help her."

Jesse, Brennan and Adam sat outside Shalimar's door. She hadn't gone to Adam. None of them really knew what to think. It was more than twenty minutes after they had arrived when Shalimar emerged from her room. She had scrubbed the blood from her arms and face, but she wore the same bloodstained trousers she had arrived in and a loose shirt was worn over the top of the bloodstained top she'd worn out that night.

She seemed to jump back as they stood, her eyes flickering from one to the other. Finally her eyes fixed on Jesse's and didn't leave them. A silent request.

"Guys, could Shal and I talk a minute?" He looked over at Adam for a moment, praying he'd understand. He nodded briefly and headed for his lab with a 'you know where to find me'. Following Adam's lead Brennan headed into his room. Jesse turned back to Shalimar.

"Is that better?" She nodded, moving post him into the small rec. room. "Is Emma... is Emma OK?" He asked as he followed her. She laughed, short and gruff.

"She'll wake up tomorrow morning. She probably won't remember it. It won't make it any better but..." her voice broke and she stopped, sitting down carefully on the sofa. He couldn't help but see the flash of pain that flared in her face.

"You're not OK, though, are you Shal." Jesse sat down beside her and she was immediately up again, pacing the confined space.

"Neither of us are 'OK' Jesse." She snapped. She stopped pacing and rubbed at a point on her forehead for a moment. "They gave her something. Some kind of drug. They must have figured I was drunk enough not to bother. I must have been pretty plastered, or I would have realised sooner." Carefully she sat down again. Unconsciously distancing herself from Jesse, even in the confines of the seat. She tried to restrain her emotions as a sigh became a quiet sob, but soon one sob lead to another and with tears streaking her face she covered her face. A touch on her shoulder made her jump, but she relaxed into Jesse's embrace as she began crying uncontrollably.

She smelt of alcohol and smoke - it would have been smoky in the club, he rationalised - and of something else he couldn't pin down.

"I should have been able to stop them, Jess. I shouldn't have let them..." She couldn't get the word out, but her meaning was clear to Jesse. One, or maybe both of the girls had been raped.

"What happened?" He asked weakly.

"There were three of them. They... they took fucking TURNS, Jesse. And they were all human. I could have snapped their necks."

"Why didn't you?" He asked quietly. He hadn't meant to ask the question quite like that, it seemed so coarse. She didn't because she was one of the good guys. But the question still stood.

"One of the guys had a lighter. I don't think he even knew... what we were, what it would do to me... but he saw. He was waving it around, I think he was drunk..." Jesse felt a terrible sinking feeling as he made the connection with the smell.

"How badly burned are you, Shal?"

"He found it so funny." She continued, not seeming to hear his question. "And I didn't know what to do, and he was just laughing..." Jesse took hold of her shoulders, hoping her sharp intake of breath wasn't because he was hurting her. She met his eyes.

"Shalimar. I need to know how badly you're burnt. We need to go and see Adam." She looked at him blankly for a moment.

"Adam? No, I don't... I can't..." She took a deep shuddering breath. "No, Jesse. Please?"

"Is the blood yours?" She shook her head firmly.

"The blood is theirs." He accepted that. He didn't need, or want to know.

"Does Emma need to see Adam?"

"No, she's asleep. She's not... She's not hurt in any way Adam could help right now."

"You know the faster you go see him, the less it will hurt later."

"Give me ten minutes, I'll go see him then." Jesse nodded his approval.

Shortly after Brennan had joined Mutant X, Shalimar had told Jesse all about how she perceived men. There were three types, she had told him. Alphas, the leaders; dominants, the ones who would argue with the alphas, but follow them; and submissives, those who would follow the leader without question. She had told him that she saw Adam as alpha and Brennan as dominant - and predicted huge arguments between them - and him as a submissive. He'd been quite insulted at the time, but he knew now that the only reason Shalimar had talked to him tonight was because she knew he was submissive and in that she could trust him completely. He wouldn't show her aggression for letting Emma down and he could offer her comfort without it being anything more.

Standing, Jesse pulled Shalimar to her feet. "Let's go and see Adam."

I really don't have a story line for this, so if you do think it's any good and want more, review and leave your ideas. Thanks!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

AN: No romance means no romance, DS, none what so ever. Ta for the reviews tho peeps.

Brennan jumped to his feet as Jesse and Shalimar entered the lab, taking a step forward as if considering approaching them. Flinching at his sudden movement, Jesse watched as Shalimar disappeared around the corner. Resisting the temptation to growl at Brennan for undoing ten minutes of calming his friend down, Jesse turned to Adam.

"Emma should be OK, Shal thinks she was drugged with something. You might want to check on her. Shal's hurt, but they've both taken some shit tonight, she's a little jumpy." Jesse didn't want to lie to the other men but had decided it was Shalimar and Emma's decision what got said and when.

"Was it Shal's blood?" Brennan asked.

"No, at least I don't think so. She sorted out the guys that were messing with them. I didn't ask any more. I'm not sure I want to know what she did to spill that kind of blood."

"How is Shalimar hurt?" Adam asked. Jesse shook his head.

"She has burns, bad ones but I don't know how bad, she wouldn't let me see them. She doesn't seem to be hurting too badly though and that can't be a good sign." Adam nodded his understanding.

"Can you go after her? I want to check on Emma quickly. If she's sleeping normally then I'll leave her. I'll meet you in the medilab." Jesse nodded and headed out of the door.

Shalimar hadn't got far when Jesse caught up with her. She was stood staring into space in the doorway to the main hall. She glanced back as Jesse walked up behind her and started walking away. Jesse knew better than to try and stop her. He didn't want to grab at her arm and risk upsetting her more or hurting her more. She was barely a few steps into the hall when she stopped. She turned back to him, frowning, her face suddenly very pale. "Jesse?" She asked, face becoming pinched with pain. He was at her side in a second.

"Shal, what is it?"

"It hurts." She managed to breathe out.

"OK, we're going to see Adam OK? And he's going to give you something to make it feel better." She took hold of his shirtsleeve as she began to convulse in on herself, taking both of them to the floor. Carefully Jesse lifted her from the floor trying not to shake her too much. A whimper as he stood made him wince, but he continued to carry her into the medilab, thankfully not far from where she had fallen. Adam was already there when they pushed through the door. He looked up from where he was configuring the sensors.

"She collapsed." Jesse explained briefly.

"Lay her on the table." Adam ordered.

"Hey, Shal, I'm gonna have to put you down now. If you let go of my sleeve Adam can take a look at you." Shalimar shook her head, biting her lip to try and contain the pain.

"Stay." She managed eventually. Jesse could see a spot of blood appear on her lip where she had bitten through the skin. Nodding he turned back to Adam.

"Can you do it with me here?"

"For now." He nodded turning to Shalimar. "Shalimar, the burns are making your muscles tighten, OK? I'm going to give you a small injection to make them relax." At her nod, he quickly injected her with a muscle relaxant. When her muscles had relaxed enough to allow her to lay out straight on the bed Adam spoke again. "I'm going to need to move this shirt Shalimar. It's covering where you're hurt. Can I do that?" She nodded briefly though Jesse could see her eyes widen a little more. Adam unbuttoned the lower couple of buttons but left the rest, pushing the shirt out of the way but leaving her covered. Jesse wondered briefly if Adam had worked out what had happened on his own, but all thoughts fled his mind when he saw what Adam had revealed.

Shalimar had been wearing a tight T-shirt, hipster Jeans and a sweater against the cold when they had gone out earlier that evening. The sweater was gone, though it seemed most likely that this is what the man with a lighter had caught first - whether on purpose or through drunken stupidity. There was a hole in the front of the T-shirt that revealed her whole stomach and looked like it disappeared higher, though the recently added shirt still covered her. The white cotton was blackened on the edges and much of the pattern had been burnt away, just the crown of the little pink angel showing. Her jeans had met a similar fate, fire destroying much of the front of their waist. There was a plain circular mark on her skin beneath where the button should have been - though it had been lost with the material surrounding it - where the heated metal had branded her. Somehow Jesse couldn't process the damage above that, in the skin of her stomach and waist. All he could see was that mark.

He foggily registered that Adam was talking to him and looked up dumbly.

"Jesse?" Adam asked again. "Are you OK?" When the young man nodded he continued. "The damage isn't as bad as it looks. It could have been a lot worse." Jesse looked down again and registered that Shalimar's hand had dropped away and a drip had appeared in the other arm. "She's sleeping now, I need to set the computer up to work on this. Are you sure you're OK?" He asked again as Jesse's eyes clouded over again.

"Yeah." He managed. "I'll be fine. Why didn't it hurt her until just now?"

"She probably held back the pain out of necessity until she thought she was safe. Adrenaline is sometimes the best painkiller. I assume she drove back, Emma wasn't in any fit state, and Brennan said she carried Emma in. She wouldn't have been able to do it if she was in so much pain. It's probably going to be worse for her because she did it, but if she hadn't they wouldn't have got home. Neither of them."

Stepping out of the way of the scanners which would start to help Shalimar's body recover Jesse forced himself to look at the rest of Shalimar's injuries. He knew a little of burns, having attended a first aid class when he was younger and from spending time with a fire-elemental girl-friend shortly after he had joined Mutant X. He seemed to remember it was such discussions that lead to their eventual break up. On Shalimar's sides she showed the characteristic reddening of first-degree burns. These traced a line around the edges of the material that had been destroyed where the fire had only just brushed her. Towards the centre were the more damaging and painful second-degree burns. These were large blisters of fluid that covered most of Shalimar's abdomen that the body had made to try and protect the damaged skin and the tissue underneath. And then there were the third-degree burns. The blackened skin ran in a thick line across Shalimar's stomach, where fire had damaged the deepest tissue. These were burns which would cause Shalimar no pain but which were the most damaging. A couple of years ago she would have needed a skin graft to cover the wound as no new skin would grow to scar over the area naturally. But technology had developed to allow the skin to be healed in these areas; the beam that shone down on his friend was, even as he watched, providing the damaged skin with new growth to replace the blackened mess.

Jesse looked up to find Adam frowning.

"Adam? What's wrong?" Adam mused for a minute.

"The burn on her stomach is in a bad place. I'm worried about muscle damage."

"Is it that deep?"

"I'm not sure yet. I can't do anything at the moment. I want to put up a field as soon as possible to contain a high humidity - to try and get those burns healed up as soon as we can."

"Can I do anything?" Adam looked a Jesse for a moment.

"Try and decide what you're going to tell Emma. She'll be awake soon, and she needs to know what happened."

Please review. I know what the next chapter will bring but if no one offers me any ideas soon I might end it there. I can't really write any more without an idea of a story line at least. So IDEAS people. Thank you!


	3. Chapter 3

I'm going to try and keep this up, I've had some ideas from what people have said (thanks again for reviews) and I hope I can keep the angst level as high as it has been. I'm a little worried it will wane and fade into nothing, so yell at me if you see that happening. Oh, and are you ever going to get the hint? NO ROMANCE. No relationships, hence no pairings. If anyone was wondering this chapter and the first chapter were written to the soundtrack of 'The Red Violin', my very very favourite soundtrack, and a great film, so very sad.

Emma opened her eyes to the darkness of her room. She ached tiredly all over and her head felt light, like she was still drifting slightly. She rolled onto her side, only to yelp in pain as she rolled onto a bruise. The sharp pain pushed away some of the clouds that had settled on her mind and threatened to drag her back into sleep and she rolled back over to sit up. She reached out for her bedside lamp, but found it missing. Frowning she tried to make out the table in the dark only to have everything swim out of focus, leaving her head splitting. Groaning she thought back to the night before and, realising she couldn't remember much of it, decided she'd had too much to drink.

"Emma?" Jesse's voice seemed to come from somewhere far off, like it was at the other end of a distant tunnel. She made some noise to confirm that she had heard him and went back to nursing her head. "Emma." His hand on her shoulder didn't fit with his voice, which still seemed miles away, making her jump. She looked up at him in the light filtering through the doorway from the hall. He looked tired, she decided through blurry eyes. Tired and worried and sad.

"Who died?" She managed through a fuzzy early-morning throat. His sharp and hoarse laugh, now sounding a little nearer, made her jump again.

"Emma, how much of last night do you remember?" He asked softly. She groaned again.

"Not a lot. What did I do? How much did I drink?" She looked around her in the newly shed light of the open door. "What am I doing in Shalimar's bedroom?"

"You didn't drink anything last night Emma, you were driving. You were drugged and three men abducted you and Shal." He watched the confusion on her face. "Does any of this ring a bell?"

"That isn't funny, Jess. That just isn't funny. Not at this time in the morning, after heavy drinking. Any mocking for drunken behaviour has to wait until after 12."

"I'm serious Emma. Completely serious. Adam said you wouldn't remember much. Whatever they gave you was designed to stop you remembering."

"Stop it Jesse. We're here, we're safe. Nothing happened last night."

"You didn't drink anything last night Em. Why can't you remember getting home?"

"How do you know I didn't drink anything?" Jesse could see the doubt beginning to form on Emma's face and softened his tone.

"You were designated driver, Emma. You're too responsible for that."

"What happened?" She asked quietly.

"I don't know much, Shal's in a bit of a state. It sounds like they slipped you something in the club. Shal was pretty drunk, she didn't notice at first. When she realised what was going on she tried to do something about it and one of them started waving a lighter about. I think it was probably meant to be an empty threat, but..." He flinched, not wanting to say more. "The lighter caught her clothes. She was burned quite badly. She... they..." He struggled to find the words he needed.

"What did they do Jesse?" Jesse stood, wanting to run from the situation, from the whole of the last day. Sighing he sat again, knowing he couldn't do that. His voice was quiet and choked as he continued.

"They raped you and Shalimar, Emma. Shal couldn't stop them and they'd drugged you to make sure you couldn't. She managed to get you both home somehow eventually."

"Where is she?"

"The medilab. Adam has her sedated while the machines work on her."

"Can I see her?" Jesse nodded. He offered her a hand as she went to stand, catching hold of her elbow as she swayed dangerously.

"Careful." He warned. "There's still some junk in your system that will take some time to clear out. You'll have to take it easy for a while."

She bit her lip as her knees threatened to give way and she tried desperately to sort out what Jesse had told her in her mind. The feeling of utter helplessness was overwhelming and Jesse's hand around her waist was the only thing that kept her standing. Lowering her gently back onto the bed, Jesse sighed again.

"OK, I think perhaps this plan needs rethinking." She laughed softly, nodding through impending tears. "I see two options here. Either you try and get some more sleep and see if you're up for it when you wake up again, or I carry you through. What do you think?" She smiled a little.

"I don't think I can sleep at the moment. Carry me?" Nodding, Jesse scooped her up in his arms and, checking she was still OK, he walked carefully out of the room and headed for the medilab.

Reaching the medilab they found Brennan dashing out, eyes wide.

"Jesse, where's Adam?"

"His lab, what's up?"

"Shal's shifting in the field, it's hurting her more." Having said this, Brennan disappeared around the corner towards Adam's lab. Heading into the lab, they found Shalimar, her lower half encased in a glowing orange field, curled up on the bed. Adam appeared as Jesse sat Emma on a nearby chair. He swore lightly and headed over to the controls. Deactivating the field immediately, a cloud of high density steam was released into the room, making them all cough slightly. He sighed and swore again, moving to try and relax Shalimar again and straighten her out to avoid more damage.

"Adam, what happened?" Emma asked.

"Emma. You're up." He exclaimed, seemingly only just noticing the empath. He frowned as he thought about her question. "Shalimar's metabolism means she metabolises the drugs I give her faster than normal. It's hard to keep her sedated. Unfortunately this is making it hard to treat her. I can't put her in a full-length field because the steam isn't good for her, her physiology means it's harder for her to breathe in high humidity and we need to keep her low stress for a while." He shook his head. "Are you OK? Headache? Dizziness? Nausea?"

"Check for all three."

"That's to be expected. Do you remember anything of last night?"

"No, I'm sorry. Jesse's explained all he can. It's a little hard to take in." He nodded quietly.

"I'd like to run a few tests, when you're ready. Just to make sure you're OK. And I can give you some painkillers for the headache."

"Yes please."

"How are you?" This time she knew the question wasn't about her physical condition.

"It hasn't sunk in yet, Adam. I'm not sure if I want it to. I'm thinking things over. Get back to me in a couple of hours and I'll probably need a shoulder to cry on." He nodded.

"Emma?" The voice was Shalimar's and they all turned to find her on her side smiling at them through half-closed eyes.

"Shal, you're awake. How are you feeling?" 

"Like shit." Shalimar gave a short laugh and then sucked in a quick breath and held it. "Oh, remind me not to do that again." She asked, curling up again.

"Will you lie straight!" Adam cried, regretting it immediately as Shalimar visibly flinched. "I'm sorry, Shalimar, but I can't help you if you curl up like that. You're only doing more damage to your muscles. If they tighten when you're in that position it's going to be hell for you later." Emma saw her retreat into herself as she pulled herself straight, the movement accompanied by an almost inaudible moan.

Standing, and hoping that she could hold her own weight or Jesse was ready to catch her, she moved over to Shalimar's side. Reaching the side of the bed without assistance she looked over her friend's wounds. She hissed at what she saw. Focusing on her face where a large bruise was turning a deep purple colour, Emma tried to smile.

"Doesn't look very nice, does it?" Shalimar whispered.

"It'll get better in time."

"Oh, doesn't everything." She responded sarcastically. Emma flinched.

"Jesse told me as much as he knows. I'm not sure what to think." Shalimar's eyes glassed over for a moment.

"Don't. It's better if you don't. If you can't remember you should try and forget."

"I'm scared of what I can't remember."

"I'm scared of what I can. Maybe together we can sort this out." And her eyes fluttered closed as pain took her into a quiet sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Thanks again for the reviews (and flames!), and some interesting ideas especially Joulianna and Kat (I'll plug you later Jou) you might see one or two appear in the next couple of chapters! Also one or two things I've been thinking about using for a while and have never had the chance...

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Dying is easy; it's living that scares me to death.

~Annie Lennox

Adam marvelled once again at the ferals' healing ability. It had been barely a week and already most of the evidence of Shalimar's physical trauma had disappeared. The protective blistering was healing and being reabsorbed and, thanks in part to the machine, the largest sign that remained was the line of white scar tissue that ran across her stomach and the reddened skin that surrounded it.

The mental trauma, on the other hand, was still very much obvious. Expecting her usual jovial complaints when he asked her to stay in bed a day longer, he received only quiet acceptance. She had not moved from the bed since the night they had arrived home and it disturbed him that she wasn't more eager to move from it. And even now, when she was allowed up and about, that she followed his request to take it easy by sitting motionless hour after hour on the platform overlooking Sanctuary's main hall worried him greatly.

She had talked at length with Emma, answering all of her questions as best she could. But all of Emma's attempts to offer council had been met with rebuttal, either changing the subject or simply ignoring her completely.

Emma finally reached a breaking point that evening, standing and marching away, shouting back "If you wont help me Shalimar, there's no way I can help you." She was secretly hoping and praying for a response, a shout, a yell, even a right-here right-now bitch fight would have been preferable to what she received. Silence, nothing. Shalimar didn't even appear to be paying attention as Emma walked away. Adam looked on, shaking his head quietly. This wouldn't do. He had to talk to Jesse and Brennan.

Jesse sat beside Shalimar with a soft sigh. She glanced up at his as he sat and he tried not to notice how much she had tensed.

"This is hurting her, Shal." He began quietly.

"I'm sorry." She whispered morosely.

"I don't need your apology. I know why you're doing it." She looked up at that. "You're trying to protect her," he continued. "You think that if you open up to her she'll either remember it herself or she'll experience it through what you're feeling, what you felt."

"I don't want to put her through that Jesse. It hurts so badly, I don't want her to have to live with this."

"Don't you think she has a right to choose? If she doesn't know she might never get closure on his. You know what happened and you can get over it. She doesn't and it could haunt her."

"I've told her what happened. Blow by..." She flinched. "I've told her everything I remember."

"And what if that isn't enough?" She looked down at her dangling feet for a moment and then back up at her oldest friend.

"What if I'm ashamed of my emotions?"

Brennan found Emma pacing up and down her room like a trapped animal would a cage, dark smudges under her eyes where mascara had run and streaked her face. He watched from the doorway until she looked up - noticing him absently.

"If you were hoping for some kind of response it didn't work. She's still sat out there. She's talking to Jesse."

"At least she's still talking."

"What do you mean?"

"She's talking about what happened, but... she's not there, there's no emotion in what she's saying. It's like talking to a brick wall."

"You think it would be better for her if she relived the experience emotionally?"

"No, of course not. But she needs to get it out somehow."

"Can I tell you what I think?"

"What do you think?" She asked with a small smile.

"That she's hiding her emotions because she doesn't want you to experience it, she's protecting you." Emma looked down for a moment, thoughtful.

"But..."

"And do you know what else I think?" He interrupted. "I think the main reason you want her to open up is to feel those emotions. You want to see it through her eyes, so you don't feel so lost." She gaped for a moment, twice going to argue with him and both times stopping herself.

"Does she think I can't handle it? Is that it?" She managed eventually, her anger finally emerging.

"Emma, think about it. Would you ever purposefully put someone through that kind of experience? Especially someone you cared for."

"But I want to know, Brennan. I _need_ to know."

"You might not remember what happened through your eyes, can you take Shalimar's experience as second best?"

"I need to know." She repeated.

"Then you need to go and _talk _to Shalimar. Stop trying to trick her into opening up, tell her what you want to do. Explain to her. She might not be willing to show you how she felt. It might be something she wants to forget herself and she doesn't want to relive it. You have to ask her."

They sat together beside the meditation pool. Making sure they were both OK, Adam moved away to avoid interfering with what was to take place. Emma smiled at Shalimar, breathing a little easier when the gesture was reciprocated. Even simply by talking to her about what she wanted to do Emma had felt Shalimar loosen a little of the grip she had on her emotions, a slight feed of fear and sadness reached her when she opened herself to the feral. Neither emotion was good, but at least they were free emotions, not contained ones.

"When you're ready." She whispered to Shalimar, closing her eyes and focusing her power on the blond presence in front of her.

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The first emotion to present itself to her was anger, it flooded into her mind pure with few barriers. Three faces flashed before her eyes and something in her recognised all three, though faintly. One face appeared again, this time accompanied by a much more primal emotion, fear. His face was replaced by an image of a pure white flame. And that flame grew and grew until all else was hidden, pain and terror filling her thoughts with a white noise that made any other thought impossible. When that light finally faded it was replaced by an emotion so alien to her it took her some time to recognise it.

Submission. A terror and sadness that knew the answer to any order would be yes.

Another face appeared to her and she was confused to see that it was not one of the three. A hand reached out and pushed her down onto a bed, and the face changed, and the hand. Another hand pushed her down, rougher this time. And faces and faces and faces, one after another, again and again. Pushing her, cuffing her, hitting her, touching her. Touching her everywhere, no restraint, and no one to hold them back. All the time there was the pain and the anger and the sadness, such sadness and shame.

The grins of pleasure as a rush of adrenaline caused feral eyes to appear, and her shame because she knew that this was the show that they had come for.

And then there was a dark room, devoid of emotion. So empty it felt like a vacuum, sucking away the parts of you that feel. Stopping all emotions where they stood. And, like a symbol of death, there was only peace, an overwhelming promise of peace.

Emma felt Shalimar drag away from her, the line stretching between them until she broke it, releasing them both. She looked up. Shalimar was pale, her breathing shallow, her eyes wide.

"There were more than three men there, Shalimar."

"No Emma, there were only three." She managed as she fought the rise of bile.

"But I saw... so many faces. There were so many faces. Too many to count, and all of them..." Shalimar closed her eyes, trying to stay conscious. Emma was almost hysterical when Shalimar, finally loosing control, vomited what little she had eaten and passed out.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The last chapter was pretty cryptic. It should make sense eventually, even if you don't agree with the way things appear. This thought has been drifting for a while now, and it seems to fit into this fic.

Adam was beside her when she woke, her hand tightly clasped in his.

"She saw before." She said, her voice small.

"I know."

"That wasn't supposed to happen."

"No, and I'm sorry that it did. But we can't change that now."

"Does she know what she saw?"

"No, I wanted you to decide what we told her." She seemed to contemplate this for a moment.

"How is she?"

"She's having some problems sorting through the information she got from you, but she can see what fits and what doesn't. She slept well last night, so it's obviously helped a little. But she worried about the things she saw, Shalimar. The other things." She nodded her acceptance. "She's worried about you, and I don't think this is going to go away unless she gets answers."

"And you want me to give them to her? I don't know if I can do that Adam."

"You don't have to talk to her yourself if you don't want to. But I think she has a right to know."

"They all have a right to know."

"Are you willing to do that?"

"As long as you'll tell them for me. I'm not sure I can."

"Of course." He pulled her into a quick embrace. "We'll always be here for you Shalimar. You just have to let us get close enough to catch you every now and again."

Emma, Jesse and Brennan sat around the small room, on chairs, sofas and cushions. They quietened as Adam entered, a sombre look on his face. He looked at Emma first, glad to see she was looking a little more relaxed than she had the day before. Adam didn't know what she had seen, but he knew the information he was going to give them would disturb them all greatly. Though Jesse may have been around to know Shalimar before she had changed into the bright and bubbly personality she had become, not even he knew the dark secrets she hid in her past.

"Jesse. You asked me the other day how I knew what had happened to Emma and Shalimar without you telling me. Well, in a way you did tell me. I knew because of something you said. You said they'd both 'taken some shit' that night. I don't know if it was just fluke but it was something Shal used to say. 'She'd taken some shit in her life', it was her own words, it had a meaning that only she and I knew. The moment you said it I realised..." He trailed off, his eyes on Emma.

"When she was first here Shalimar was so quiet you could sometimes walk right past her and not know she was there. She was a ghost. It was Jesse that eventually managed to get her to come out of herself a little more. I didn't want to put her into the safe houses because I was worried that she might just disappear completely. I wanted to keep her safe. The people we were rescuing then were the ones who had the guts to come forward with what they were. They were the kind of people who might... take advantage of how submissive she was then. I didn't want Jesse to go into the safe houses because he had his own problems. So they both stayed here, in Sanctuary.

"Jesse was almost as quiet as Shalimar back then, but she used to watch him. She used to watch him all the time. One day he got quite annoyed and shouted at her. I wasn't there to see what he said but I arrived in time to hear Shalimar shout right back at him. And they got into a fight, right there in the middle of the hall. Jesse came out of it with a bloody nose and Shalimar with bruised ribs where Jesse had seen fit to use his powers to hit her. But they sat there together in the medilab and laughed. And it was the first time I heard Shalimar laugh." He sighed and tried to bring his emotions back under control.

"Shalimar left her home at fifteen. Like too many people she lived on the streets. And like too many homeless girls... it wasn't long before she was taken advantage of. When her new mutancy was discovered she became more 'desirable'," He spat the word out as though he was swearing. "And she didn't understand that she was strong enough to turn away or run. Or strong enough to stop them from doing what they wanted with her body." He stopped again to collect himself. "When I first went into the hotel where she'd holed herself up, to retrieve her and offer her a place in the safe houses, she thought that was what I wanted from her..."

Shalimar smiled as she listened from where she sat outside the door. She still remembered that day.

__

She had stopped eating almost a week ago. She had forgotten the point. This existence wasn't worth anything any more, she was bored of it. And there was peace there, just out of reach. The constant energy that held her mind was dulling and peace looked near from this place.

But a face had appeared, a knowing face, and offered her a hand. She took it without question. Lessons learned had showed her that questions gave no reward. "Come with me." The order came and she followed quietly behind because she knew nothing of refusal.

The place she was driven to was quiet and he left her a moment alone beside a pool of water. There was calm here, he wasn't rushing. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. One more show and then she could return to that place and maybe, maybe soon the peace would come. No more men would seek her out when she was at peace.

She shed her clothes quickly, hoping that this man's hands would be as soft as his face and his voice. She had not meant to fall asleep, but she was tired, drained. She awoke with a blanket wrapped around her in a bed that was soft. She felt energised again, and further from the peace than ever. He appeared at the doorway, a smile on his face. "Is that better?" He had asked. And though she wanted to demand answers, she nodded meekly. "My name is Adam. You're safe here."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

BIG thanks to Jouliana who had allowed me to steal the concept of her fic, Not In My Backyard for the next couple of chapters. You are my inspiration, Jou, thank you! PLEASE read her fics and review so that she doesn't tell me off for nicking her ideas!

In this fic I have done something I promised myself I would never do... flashbacks... Noooo! Oh, and Emma0211, Don't count on it.

Adam sighed and wiped the back of his hand across his eyes. Shalimar was still sobbing quietly on the other end of the phone he held in his hand. Trying to hush the feral he wondered when things, seeming to be looking up for the girls, had gone so wrong. Maybe it had been that article on the front page of the newspaper.

__

"Adam!" Jesse's call echoed through Sanctuary, pulling Adam awake from where he sat in front of his computer screen. Activating his comm. ring he spoke into it.

"Yes, Jesse, What is it?"

"The media scanner has found something I think you should see." Adam sighed and sat up, moaning at his aches. The media scanner was a computer program set to scan all of the media channels, newspapers, news broadcasts and proxy blue, for anything that might offer a location of a new mutant that needed their help. He climbed the stairs and went to stand at Jesse's side.

Jesse looked pale and worried. Opening a window he displayed a front sheet of a newspaper. He gave Adam time to take in the headline and then moved on to a second paper, and a third. The fourth he showed had photos and Adam stopped him there.

"How many of these are there?"

"I've found seven so far on the front page and three on the second. Four have pictures of the men. All of them say Shalimar did this, some mention Emma as an accomplice, and all have a detailed description of them both. A description most people could recognise them by, Adam. Emma and Shalimar aren't the kind of people who disappear in crowds; they both have distinctive looks." Adam looked at the description of the men's injuries. Deep cuts across the stomach, some on the chest. The damage to one man was much worse than the others - he was still unconscious through a head wound they thought might give him brain damage. And again and again it was emphasised that it was all done by the bare hands of one woman whose eyes had changed from brown to yellow. This was not good.

Or maybe it had been Shalimar's decision to fight back that had caused the downwards turn.

__

"Adam, you keep all our medical records don't you?"

"Yes, of course."

"And they're just the same as anyone else's records, just as valid."

"Yes... Shalimar, what are you thinking?"

"I'm going to take my medical records to the police and show them exactly what happened that night. That I was protecting myself and my friend from further attack. If everything goes wrong then at least they know that BOTH of us were in the wrong and they get locked up."

"But you will too."

"Adam, it's better than saying nothing, getting caught in a couple of months and letting them stay free."

"Shalimar, you medical records say some very particular things about you. Not many people would have been able to reach your level of fitness after those burns in such a short amount of time. Are you sure you want this going public? Because it will be very public."

"Think what it would do for us if this goes well Adam. If they can treat me like a normal human being, give me the same rights. It's time we found out if the world would judge us for what we are. Rather than hiding away again."

Or Emma's decision to join her.

__

"You can't do this alone Shalimar. They're looking for both of us and if you go alone they might not believe you. Besides, you're not fit to fight your way out of a situation if things go wrong."

"No, Emma you can't. I won't let you go to prison for me, and if things go wrong that is where we will end up. We can't fight our way out of this one; it would only make things worse. We have to follow this like anyone else would."

"I'm part of this Shalimar. You can't protect me from this. I'm going with you."

Maybe it had been that naïve promise.

__

"You'll protect us Adam, if things really go bad?"

"Of course, Shalimar. We'll always be here for you."

Maybe, just maybe it had been that day that man had realised that with a little work they could play God for the day, or maybe it was the day after, when he realised that God for the day meant tomorrow was anyone's game. Maybe it had been Adam Kane on the front lines, playing God with no thoughts of the next day.

What ever it had been it lead to him standing here, talking down a telephone to a petrified feral locked in a box only just big enough to hold her full form, trying to calm her enough to stop her from hurting herself in trying to escape. This had not been part of the plan. Emma was locked in a similar box, in the room next door. Hers was lead lined and with no communication system. He knew that wouldn't block her powers, but he wasn't about to tell them that. They were scared, terrified of these two women. And that was one thing that hadn't fit into their plan. Human nature. So as he reassured Shalimar that he would return as soon as he was able and was dragged back along a long hallway to the observation room he cursed his own race for their intolerance that threatened his children's lives.

Brennan's anger was plain on his face as he re-entered the small observation room. Along the walls screens showing various pictures inside and outside the cages that held the girls. Jesse's eyes were fixed on these and he spared Adam only a glance when he returned. Adam was grateful to see that Shalimar had stopped trying to break out and had calmed a little. Emma was still sitting, as she had been when he had left, cross-legged though she could only just manage it in the confined space and meditating.

Adam turned as a new policeman, one he didn't recognise, entered the room. Anger rising uncalled, Adam began his tirade for the second time that day.

"You can't do this to a human being, it's atrocious. It's inhumane. These women have rights; they came here to accuse three men of rape and grievous bodily harm. One of them was drugged by the men, why are they the ones in custody? Let alone these... torture chambers. How can..." He was stopped mid sentence as the man's eyes disappeared behind a mask of feral yellow. Adam took a breath. "Oh."

"I am very sorry for the way your friends have been treated." He spoke cautiously, as though reading from a script. He gestured almost imperceptibly at a table, mouthing the words 'bug'. Adam nodded, a feral in the police force would be a great asset, to the force and to Mutant X, he had no wish to reveal his identity. "I wouldn't wish those cages on anyone, but people here are scared of what they don't know and can't control. No one will look at the medical files you brought. I've read them through and tried to explain to my colleagues, but they won't listen. Most of them think you're all freaks too, and won't talk to you."

"What happens now?" Brennan asked. The feral sighed and collected himself, putting on a formal face and voice. 

"I've been told to inform you that you friends are to be transported to Tingely, to await death by lethal injection."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

__

Have you ever seen a picture of Jesus laughing? Wouldn't you think he'd have a beautiful smile?

~Kate Bush

"They haven't been tried." Adam offered weakly.

"Their genetic structure is undeniable proof. As far as we're concerned they are not human. They'd put them to death right now if they didn't know that doing it publicly would do more harm to the others that they know are out there."

"They can't do this. We can't let them do this."

"Come outside. Let me talk to you."

"I have a contact. A group of people that might be able to help you friends. They've offered help with mutants in a fix before, I can see if they can do anything."

"Mutant X?" Adam asked.

"Yeah. I've been in contact with them before when people come in with obvious powers. They get the person out of jam and we think nothing more of it. This situation might be a little harder to deal with, but it's worth a try."

"It's a wonderful idea." Adam sighed. "But it won't work."

"Why not?"

"Half of Mutant X is sat in cages in that building right now." His face fell. "You're 'Daniel54', aren't you." Adam asked.

"Just Daniel in the real world, Daniel Foster. I assume you're Adam." Adam nodded.

"You know I always had you down as a psionic, not a feral. You've done some good work for us."

"Adam." Brennan called him over. "Jesse and I want to go in, get Shal and Emma out of here now. Jesse can get in there, I'll run interference. We'll have them out of here before they know what's going on." Adam looked back at David.

"What's the cover like on those rooms?"

"There's at least twenty armed men stood around various doors into the room. All have access to camera screens of what's going on inside. You can't get in without being noticed. You wouldn't have time to get both of them out - even if you could get into the rooms and get them out of the cages - before they came in with guns. It's impossible." Adam shook his head and turned back to Brennan and Jesse.

"We can't go in now. You're no use to Shal and Emma if you're shot or if you're powers are revealed and you end up in the same position as them. We'll have to wait."

Shalimar opened her eyes to find that she was no longer trapped in the small box. Instead she was in a typical prison cell, long thin bars covering one wall and a raggedy bed in the corner. This must be the place Adam had told her they would take them. Her head felt like it was stuffed with cotton wool, they must have sedated them to move them. She moved to the bars and looked out. There were other people in the cells around her, all quiet, saying nothing. Some exchanged curious glances with her, some leered unrestrained through the bars, and some reached out to her as though asking for something. She shuddered. Trying to look sideways down the row she found she could just about see all of the cells opposite her, but none of those beside her.

"Emma!" She shouted out of the cell. All of the others winced. "EMMA! Emma if you're there, answer me!" Footsteps clattered down the corridor, stopping outside her cell. Dark lifeless eyes greeted her.

"You will be quiet or you will regret it." Was all the man said.

"Is Emma here? Is she OK?"

"Shalimar?" The voice was Emma's, from further down the row.

"Emma!" She responded, and that was all Shalimar remembered.

She woke again with a throbbing headache. Putting her hand to her head she found blood on her temple. Moaning she dragged herself upright. A face in the bars opposite giggled.

"You'll not be doin' that 'gain in a 'urry." He laughed to her. "Kenny's not nicest of blokes. He's not here now though."

"You could have warned me."

"Naw, no fun in that."

"My friend, the one that called out to me, how many cells further down is she?"

"She's right next door, she is. But in a little box of her own, yep. Ha! She's pre-packed! Already in the coffin." The strange man found this hilarious and fell about. Ignoring his hysterical laughter, Shalimar moved as close as she could to Emma's cell.

"Emma, are you there?"

"Shalimar? I'm here. Are you OK? You went quiet."

"I'm OK. How are you holding up? Have they explained what's going on?"

"I'm having problems keeping the emotion out. This place... I can't..." Shalimar could hear her crying softly.

"Hey, it's OK. I'm here, can you focus on me?" Shalimar felt something like an invisible hand touching her forehead and Emma's tears subsided.

"How can you stay so calm about this Shalimar?" She asked quietly after a moment.

"I don't know." And quietly they talked for the rest of the night of the past, the present, and the undeniable future.

She woke to noises, loud noises. Opening her eyes she found people running down the corridor and stopping beside her cell, in front of Emma's. She breathed in as she saw the wave of psionic energy, black and frothing at the edges like the sea. She felt the pain wash over her and realised that Emma had not been able to focus on her when she had fallen asleep and the emotions were dragging themselves out of her control. She grabbed hold of a guard as he ran past too close to her cell.

"Let me out." He told him. "I can stop her. She's hurting herself. PLEASE! SHE'S HURTING HERSELF."

"This one came with her, maybe she can stop her." The guard told the man standing out of Shalimar's line of sight.

"Pleasepleaseplease." It became a mantra for her as the man considered it.

"I don't care, just don't let it kill us. And stop this bitch before it kills its self."

The guard had the cuffs on her before she had realised he had them out, but she didn't care. She had to stop Emma. As soon as she could she ran into the cell and fell at Emma's side, forgetting that her hands were restrained. They had already opened the small box, obviously not as scared of Emma as most of the others were, and Shalimar used her shoulder to push Emma into an upright position.

Emma's eyes were open and she gazed at Shalimar, projecting her power. Biting her lip as visions, those same visions they had shared not two days ago, flooded into her vision, Shalimar tried not to cry out. Other pictures joined them, ones she didn't recognise. The thoughts and memories of the others in the prison she realised after a time. Terrible things floated before her eyes, things she had no wish to see. Finally they tapered off, and she was left listening to both of their sobs. Dragging her breathing back under control, Shalimar checked Emma over. Her eyes were closed, but she seemed to have relaxed into Shalimar, her breathing no longer strained. Nodding to his superior, the others moved out of the cell, locking it again, leaving the two alone.

Shalimar sat down on the stool provided, shifting her hands in the handcuffs and watching as the guards left the room. There was a window into a booth in front of her, but no one sat there. When she was about convinced this was either some kind of torture technique or they were doing something to Emma while she sat here, the door of the booth opened and Adam and Jesse walked in. She was immediately standing and walked over to the window.

'Shalimar' she saw Jesse mouth as she stood there. Finding an intercom switch, Adam flicked it on.

"Shalimar are you OK?"

"I'm holding up."

"There is no sound monitoring in this room, only video. We're going to get you out of there, OK? Then we'll go after Emma."

"No."

"No?"

"No, Adam. You're not going to get either of us out. There's too much monitoring in this place, and too many guards. We would never get in to get Emma. We would probably not get out of this room. I'm here to say goodbye."

"What!?!"

"I don't want you here tomorrow, I want you to go back to Sanctuary and start working as usual. Emma and I are in complete agreement on this." Adam had paled.

"No, Shalimar. We can't give up on you like this."

"I heard about the stunt you pulled while we were in transit. Is Brennan OK?"

"He's recovering. He'll be fine. We can still get you out of there without him."

"I don't want anyone else to get hurt in this Adam. Please." Adam's throat closed. He couldn't believe this was it.

"I can't..." He struggled to continue, but Shalimar understood.

"You can. You all can." She leant her head against the cold glass that separated them, wishing that just for a moment she could fall through it into the safe arms of her family. Jesse stepped up and laid his hands on the glass, and she thought for a minute she might ignore their wishes and phase through. He didn't. Instead he simply drew a line around her face, as though he would take her chin in his hands if the glass did not separate them. Sighing he leant his own forehead to the glass.

"I could get you out now, Shal. It wouldn't take much. Only a small phase."

"No Jesse. You can't risk your life now. The cameras would see everything. I will NOT let you die for me; Emma and I are in complete agreement on this. I'm sorry."

"Goodbye Shalimar." He whispered. And they watched in agony as she walked away from them.

"Goodbye."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

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Dear Gene, Of course you are here  
And now it's nothing to fear  
Oooh, I should have known  
Oooh, I was never alone  
  
This isn't the last song  
There is no violin  
The choir is so quiet  
And no one takes a spin  
This is the next to last song  
And that's all, all

~Björk, Selma in Dancer in the Dark

They sat together, bound before a crowd. But this was not a crowd like was usual in such circumstances. Instead of the rowdy public sat in those seats, there were faces they knew. The seats were filled with new mutants who had been aided by Mutant X, come to pay their respects. Only one reporter was allowed into the Room, all the others were stood outside, staring into space, and would get nothing to twist into a news story today. The one reporter was in truth Proxy Blue though no one would recognise the blue sim. in this woman. Already Proxy Blue had told the world the true story, and though many had moved together to stop this, it had not been enough.

Many faces in the crowd showed the evidence of tears, and several were falling still.

Their family, Adam, Jesse and Brennan sat disobediently in the front row, not at Sanctuary where they had been ordered. All sat with pain on their faces and love in their hearts. They knew why they would do this, and knew that it would always be the same. Nothing would be done, it was their last wish. Adam whispered a prayer for forgiveness, knowing he had failed two of his children. Brennan and Jesse sat lost in their own thoughts, tears trailed both of their faces.

Emma, the hope and faith in the room boosting her high, looked to Shalimar for acceptance. Seeing her nod they departed together, hand in hand, seen only by those special few in the crowd with the gift, long before the needles pricked soft skin, or the tendrils of white fire closed around their hearts, or their lungs came slowly to rest.

Not the end. Never the end...

Dancer in the Dark. This chapter was largely based on a film called 'Dancer in the Dark'. This film was the most moving film I have EVER seen. Though the first hour at least was painfully bad, the last couple of scenes had me in the kind of tears that stop your breathing. I am not a tearful person, but just thinking of that scene makes me tear up. I was devastated after watching this film and wanted to say that if you ever get a chance to watch it, DO NOT GIVE UP on the first bits, it is so definitely worth persevering watching all the way through. I can only hope I've come somewhere close to it with this fic.


	9. Epilogue

Epilogue

Adam looked around him at the quiet halls of the hotel. It seemed odd being back here, in the place he had first found Shalimar. Especially now. And he felt exposed here without Jesse or Brennan to help if anything went wrong. But they were working on other projects and the owner had left a message for him once again, two young girls this time rather than one, and no frequent male visitors to leave them bruised and ashamed. Memories stirred by this return made the back of his eyes itch, threatening tears.

A door lay in front of him and he was almost surprised to see that it wasn't the same door. Knocking smartly and standing straight he waited. A teenager answered, no older than fifteen. Dark hair graced darkly tanned skin and deep brown eyes examined him quickly from head to toe. She watched him, seemingly waiting for something, with a curiosity which was so reminiscent of Shalimar's gaze he had to label her as a feral. When he offered the girl no greeting or sales pitch an eyebrow was raised in question.

"I'm Adam Kane. I'm part of a group called Mutant X, we help people with special gifts like yours. Can I came in?" A raised lip and a feral growl was his only response. At least his assessment of her mutancy was correct, only ferals could make noises like that. Perhaps the young feral couldn't talk he mused.

"Someone has told me you have a friend here who is hurt." He brought out a medical kit, noticing how she eyed it distrustfully. "Can I come in and help her."

She looked behind her into the room, voicing a soft whine. She obviously received some sort of reply as she opened the door further and stepped into the room, leaving him to close the door and follow.

Another girl, maybe a year or so younger lay on what might have once been a mattress. She was deathly pale and a large makeshift bandage was tight around her waist, stained dark with blood in one patch. The girl's light blond hair was greasy and matted, her eyes closed. Beside her there was a bowl of water with a flannel in it which the other girl had obviously been using to cool her brow.

The feral stayed close as he worked, occasionally approaching and watching what he was doing, sometimes pacing the room uncertainly. The second girl made no sound as he treated her, nor did she open her eyes. When he was finished he stepped away, watching as the feral took his place at her side, a gentle hand on her shoulder, quiet noises shared that meant nothing to him. The older girl turned to him eventually.

"She needs proper medical attention. I would like to take her to Sanctuary where I can treat her properly." Adam began.

"_We will come with you._" The voice was soft and weak in his mind and he realised that the second girl had to be a telepath. Looking past the feral he found shocking blue eyes staring back at him. Moving back over to lift the injured girl the feral quickly moved into his path, a hand restraining him. When she was happy he would stay where instructed she turned and lifted the girl herself. Her strength was startling. The other girl, though thin, couldn't be much less than her own body weight. The blond's eyes were shut again and he realised that this was her own way of controlling her powers.

Quietly Adam lead the two out of the hotel, wondering if it was perhaps time to take on some more trainees.

Stir Crazy - sequel to Catching Teardrops - Coming soon!!


End file.
